Getting married and starting a family is a goal and a desire of many people. The idea of getting married is practically an imposition on a social level, but marriage, in many cases, can be a very rewarding experience. Without a doubt, finding that person who makes you so happy and with whom to spend the rest of your life by your side is truly sensational.
However, marriages don’t always go out as expected and the suffering they cause while living this type of toxic relationship can seriously affect their emotional health. There are toxic habits in marriages and in this article we explain 7 signs to detect them.
A toxic marriage is one in which the rights of some members of the relationship seem to disappear. The relationship is characterized by constant suffering and conflict. It is normal that when people are immersed in this toxic situation, they are not really aware of it, largely due to inertia, habit, and because, in many cases, there is some emotional dependence on the spouse.
That said, below are 7 toxic habits you could find in a marriage.
1. Dependence and emotional codependency
Emotional addiction turns marriage into an asymmetrical relationship and causes one member to gain ground and exercise control over the other. The cause of this phenomenon is usually found in the insecurity of the addicted person, who is unable to connect with himself, and his happiness depends on others, causing a great fixation or addiction to the couple.
Emotional codependency, however, despite being a harmful phenomenon like the previous one, occurs when a member of the couple is “addicted” to the partner’s addiction, that is, the need to help and take care of one’s well-being. It’s kind of a controller and manipulator, but quieter. Both phenomena interfere in the proper functioning of marriage and, therefore, cause a lot of pain to the spouses.
2. Possessive and controlling behaviors
In toxic marriages there are certain controlling and possessing behaviors on the part of one of the members of the couple. This exerts a great influence on the other, who loses his voice and opinion in the relationship and observes how her freedom is affected. For example, marriage decisions are usually made by a single member, who controls the other’s bills and expenses and even their social networks. All decisions go through him, and he is usually aggressive if the other gives his opinion about it.
3. Limited social life
Limited social life is also characteristic of toxic marriages, so that one or both members of the couple no longer have close ties with other people. This can occur due to the controlling behaviors mentioned above, but also due to excessive emotional dependence or a fixation on the part of the couple. Healthy behaviors are those in which the members of the couple continue to keep their space and this includes, among other things, having their own friendships.
One of the toxic behaviors that cause the most damage in marriages is jealousy. Low self-esteem is usually one of the origins of this type of behavior, which give rise to unfounded and jealous beliefs about reality in the mind and, consequently, lead to obsessive behavior. Jealousy causes suffering to both spouses and over time causes the marriage to become hell.
To a greater or lesser extent, it is possible to experience some degree of latticework when we are interested in someone. But in a marriage of this type, toxic jealousy can manifest itself, for example, with behaviors such as: when a spouse constantly asks about the times and questions about the facts of his partner, he gets angry when the other spends time with friends, checks the facebook messages secretly and is even able to search for the other spouse when he doubts his word.
5. Frequent conflicts
Logically, all of these above points lead to frequent conflicts. But, in addition, communication in this type of marriage is usually inefficient and, therefore, can cause serious relationship problems.In the toxic relationship there is no atmosphere of tolerance and reconciliation is not encouraged, but on the contrary: the problem tends to grow and suffering increases.
6. It makes you suffer
Therefore, toxic marriages cause a lot of suffering and pain. And the more time spent in such a relationship, the worse can be the emotional level or self-esteem of either spouse. Since the relationship is asymmetrical, suffering is inevitable.
Manipulative behaviors and emotional blackmail appear frequently in toxic marriages, because one of the two members acts in accordance with their interests and blames, annoys and causes fear of the other.
The causes of these behaviors can be different, but usually due to low self-esteem, which causes one spouse to constantly seek confirmation of their partner’s love, provoking demonstrations that the other person will not leave.
People who live immersed in a toxic marriage stop growing as people. Either because they are emotionally dependent, because suffering can or because they enjoy fragile self-esteem. The truth is, they put aside personal development behaviors and drown in the toxic dynamics of marriage.